if my jokes offend you:
- i’m sorry
- it won’t happen again
- 1 & 2 are lies
- you’re a pussy
(Source: 69shadesofgray, via illmakeyoulalalalalovesick)
It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
(Source: thesickestjokes, via lotharioeatsladiesss)
